How Do You Know You’re Happy?

Collection: Ambiguous, Not Amphibious

Format: Aphorism

Author: Melissa Nadia Viviana

Date: March 15, 2024

Tags: Fascism, Tech Overlords, Boycotts, Consumer Ethics

Ambiguous, Not Amphibious is a reader-supported publication by Melissa Nadia Viviana: Author, Activist, Existentialist, & Philosopher.

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It is impossible to conclusively measure the subjective experience of happiness.

You can never know precisely how much of it you have.

But one question you can always ask yourself is: are you satisfied with what you have now? Or do you always want more of it.

Satisfaction is easier to measure than happiness.

In 2016, someone was complaining to me on Twitter about the 3% in America being responsible for the 97%’s problems. I said to him, do you know that Americans who make $40,000 or higher are actually in the 3% of the world’s income?

Are we responsible for the ‘97% of the world’s’ problems?

Being poor in America is actually being wealthy by world standards, because so many other countries have millions and millions of people living in absolute poverty.

I don’t say that to justify the actions of the wealthy elite in American society.

I say it, merely, so that we accurately comprehend how much we already have.

You see, he was sitting there wanting more, when by the world’s standards he already had enough.

We call millionaires who want to be billionaires greedy. Understandably.

But we don’t measure our own dissatisfaction as greed. He was applying the standard to others and not looking at himself from a distance.

Throughout my life I never had a lot of money. In fact, when I was 23, I rented out my apartment bedroom and moved my bed into the living room so that I could have a reduced rent, and thus, work less—in order to spend the year working on my newest book: a satirical memoir.

That year I lived off of $10,000 while living in Washington D.C.

I didn’t even have to file a tax return, because it’s not required for people who make under $10,000 a year.

Of course, I had a roommate who was a good friend. And a determination to survive. But most importantly—I had something that held meaning for me: writing.

I only say that so that people understand that whatever MORE we want for ourselves, we should always be grateful, first, for what we have so far.

That same year, I began dating someone who had a lot more money than me. You see, we complemented each other because he had everything and was never happy and I had nothing and was always happy.

He once told me “You’re always happy so long as one small criteria is met—your writing.”

At the time I suppose he was trying to insult me.

But I replied, “You're looking at this the wrong way: I have nothing. And yet, I'm always happy."

"You have everything, and yet, you always want more."

His life is the epitome of American success. Private school. Masters in Engineering. Great job at a global bank. Excellent benefits. Eligible to retire young. Son in private school. College paid for partially from his job’s benefits.

Yet, he wakes up unhappy.

Obviously money can’t resolve a lot of our psychological problems. And obviously money can resolve a lot of other problems. For example, it can pay for a doctor’s visit when you’re sick.

But beyond the basic necessities it supplies, the rest of the joy has to be created by you.

If you don’t have joy with the amount of money that you have now, you won’t buy joy by getting more of it.

I told him,

“I don't know what else you're waiting for in this life... cause the next thing around the corner is DEATH.

You only have one shot to appreciate what you have. To be grateful and enjoy your blessings.

Then you die. And it's all gone.”

A lot of people are waiting for the next stage of life to bring them joy they were deprived of in their current stage. But there aren’t an infinite amount of stages in life. After raising kids, your body starts to slow down. You lose loved ones. You get diagnosed with illnesses. And die.

In your early years, life is a progress towards better stages. That’s the growth period. But after 30, your life is a devolution away from your best stages. That’s the decay period.

So what are you waiting for? Live now. Find joy now.

Because ambitious brings growth in your youth. And I admire people who are willing to grow.

But at another point: ambitious keeps us constantly on the run—evading and running from the present moment, by thinking to ourselves “I’ll be happy WHEN…” and filling in the blanks with future things gained that will make us have joy again.

At some point, ambition brings growth. And I admire people who are willing to grow.

At another point, ambition keeps us constantly on the run - running away from the present and thinking "one day we'll be happy WHEN... we get something else."

Always running away from the present moments. Focusing on the next thing around the corner...

You see, the reason humans are capable of joy admidst poverty isn’t because of some noble trait they have. It’s because the mind, itself, is the source of joy. And it has to be derived from you, alone. Not your circumstances.

Thus, you can feel joy with nothing. And you can feel joy with everything. Because the joy is dependent solely on you.

Now stress and fear and shame and many other emotions are connected to how well your external needs are met. So of course, I’m not telling you that poverty is an acceptable state to live in. You need shelter, food, water, love, stability, health insurance, and self-esteem.

No question. You need them.

But you also have to understand that nobody wakes up and looks at their health insurance card and says: this makes me feel joy.

Nobody wakes up and looks at the number in their bank account and says, this makes me feel joy.

So if you don’t have joy with the amount of money you have now. You will not have it during that “one day” stage of stability that you want to get.

True, there are always people who say “I’d rather be a rich miserable person than a poor miserable person.”

But I wasn’t one of those people.

I wanted freedom and joy, and a purpose (in writing) before I wanted money, stability, or prestige.

And as a person who spent many years creating joy from nothing, it has carried me farther in life (it is a better skill) than anybody I know who learned how to make money, or otherwise has life stability.

You don’t ever have to stop wanting more for yourself. In fact, if you can have joy AND stability - that’s the best of all worlds.

But don’t procrastinate joy, thinking that you’ll be able to get it later if you can’t get it now.

Don’t put it off until that when day when you think your outer conditions will be met..

Your mind can create joy anywhere. Amidst poverty, fear, pain, or even mediocrity. So long as you work on developing the skill to be able to do it.